There are many days where I wonder if all the work I’ve put out in the past two years have been worth the time spent. Writing novels has cost more than time, to be honest. It’s cost money, it’s caused tensions with friends and family, and it hasn’t precisely made my life any easier. Even with the writing done (for the immediate moment), the strain continues, though this time it is struggling to breakthrough to where there is even the slightest chance for someone to take notice of what I have accomplished.
How do you deal with being swallowed up by the darkness of so many other louder voices? How do you continue slugging onward, hoping to be that one-in-a-million writer who actually manages to make a hardscrabble living on the power of your words alone? It would certainly easier to give up on it, to take the satisfaction of the attempt made as reward enough. I doubt anyone would blame me for it.
I can’t say I have answers for those questions. I can see why many writers are crushed under the despair of their situation and simply give up. For some reason, though I keenly feel that darkness rushing in, I can’t help but stubbornly throw another rock at the wall blocking out the sun, hoping to chip a hole through. Every day, I tell myself, maybe this rock rolling around in my hands will be the one to bring the light in.
I’m probably deluding myself, I know. The amount of books I would have to sell each month to make a living is staggering, if you do the math. I think the inevitability is that I will be dragged down into the darkness, just like almost all the others. Deprived of my creative outlet, these best years of my life will fade out into the sepia-toned pictures of nostalgia.
Until then, though, I am going to pitch another rock at the wall.
Next month, I’ll start writing my seventh novel. Later this week, I’m going to finish setting up a Patreon system to hopefully gather more money for that process. Maybe this next one will do it.
Good luck, good reading, good writing, and may you find your spot in the sun.